Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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