this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
