I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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