After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
