I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
