my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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