Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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