don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
