When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
