people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
