If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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