...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
