carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
