She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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