I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
