i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
