I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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