Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
