I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
