oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
