If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
