some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
