I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
