Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
