she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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