I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
