Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
