also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
