I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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