Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
