i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
