we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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