Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
