ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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