I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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