I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
