Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
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