I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
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Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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