This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
