We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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