This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
one two three fourrrrnication!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
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I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize