Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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