Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
