I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
