Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I need to wash the frat house off of me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
