party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
