Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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