Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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