Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
