I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
