After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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