Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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