Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
