he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
