dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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