got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
