Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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