You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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