I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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