my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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