Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize