i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
